Moving is overrated. Staying is good! — Hobbs
I just finished reading a lovely, thought provoking post by Anita entitled : The Long Goodbye. In it she talks about saying goodbye to her home of 20 years. Wow! 20 years in one house. My parents and I lived in the same house for over 20 years. As a matter of fact, they lived there in 1962 when I was born and still lived there in 1984, when I left home, just 2 weeks shy of my 22nd birthday.
I am quite a startling contrast to my parents in many ways, especially in ‘staying’. 
When I left home, I moved to Dallas, TX, where I stayed for 20 years (1984-2004) before moving to Charlotte, NC. I guess that if you looked at it at the high level, it looks like I stayed in place for 20 years; however, looking at the details, you can see that I moved many times during that 20 years. Most times in response to traffic and to get closer to the job. This is one scenario that my parents didn’t have to deal with. Akron was small and had no traffic issues. The same is true today. As a family, we moved 5 times in 12 years, staying 5 years in 2 places, and only a matter of months in the other 3.
Looking at my resume, which is now 8 pages long, you can see that the longest place that I’ve ever stayed for a job was nearly 7 years, the shortest, 6 months. As a contract programmer, this is rather expected and not unusual. I’ve had many jobs in my 24 years of working.
My wife and I have often wondered about the importance of roots, so to speak and when those roots actually take hold. Kids, we’ve found out, tend to adjust fairly rapidly … until they get into high school. None of the friends that I had growing up are still in contact, even the guy who was my best friend until high school. So, I’m not so sure that that was so important. In high school, I did meet another guy who became, and still is, my best friend, Gordon. We still talk almost on a weekly basis, even though he still lives in Texas (he moved there after I did and we were roommates for a while. It was great fun!).
Tony is making very good friends with his basketball teammates. We promised him, when we moved here, that we would not move again until he was in college. If he goes to college in NC, we’ll stick around for a while.
Now, with the new experience of working out of town, it’s interesting. I had to uproot myself to go out of town, soon I’ll have to uproot myself to come back to town. At one time, I thought that I’d like to be a world traveler, spending a week here, a week there, always on the quest for something new. However, I’m no longer kidding myself. I like a place to call home, and I like to be in that place, too! I’ve even started spending Sunday night and going directly to work on Monday morning, rather than leaving on Sunday afternoon. So now, I spend 3 nights here, 4 nights there. As this will post on a Monday, you might be reading this as I’m on the road headed back to Charleston! (5:30 AM – 8:45 AM EST)
I think, now, that I’m rather tired of moving, jobs, houses, and friendships. I just want to get someplace, stay, and enjoy. I’m rather tired of being a nomad. It can be exciting, but it also can be exhausting.
Any similar experiences? Childhood friends from elementary to graduation to adulthood?
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6 Responses to “On being a nomad”
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Hobbs certainly does looks as though he appreciates finding a spot and sticking to it. And, he looks so angelic.
Having looked forward to the post you “teased” at my site a few hours ago, I was not disappointed. I especially enjoyed all the sense of family that comes through your words here. With your current travel schedule, it’s easy to see why you are losing your taste for being a world traveler. Besides, I suspect roots become more important to us as we grow older—that certainly has been the case with me.
Hobbs is so cute! He looks a little down or just worn out. I had a Schnauzer when I was a kid. She was so sweet and not at all noisy or high strung. We called her Nifty because she was!
I don’t like moving. Sot so much the idea of a new place and staring over but the physical act of moving itself. The packing, and unpacking is not an enjoyable task for me.
Mark and I have never left the county and have moved between the same 2 towns. We moved a total of 4 times in 23 years, only once in since 1987 and in 1993.
Probably the most interesting thing is that we actually lived in my Grandmas house. We bought her house when it was on the market after she had moved into a smaller condo. So our first home was very familiar to us and we loved it. The second home that we bought was actually the house that I grew up in…no we didn’t buy it from my parents either. My parents had sold it in 1987 and we bought it back from the people my parents sold it to in 1993. We’ve been here ever since. We are now in the process of making our five year “escape” plan. We live in NJ and while I LOVE NJ the taxes and cost of living have become almost too much to bear, so we want out. A lot will depend on where Jon goes to school. If he goes to a State University like his brother then we will probably rent somewhere until he is done, or just stay put and try to survive our $10,000+/year and ever increasing property taxes and cost of living.
Paul, “nomad” is good when you’re young. As you advance in years “nomad” becomes less and less acceptable.
Personally I’ve been lucky in that I’ve stayed in one or two places for the majority of my life and been lucky enough to come back to one of them as I’ve finished working.
My cousins had five moves in three years in a 10 square mile area and, to be honest, it really unsettled them.
I remember “travelling” from one home to another, albeit only 50 miles, on a Sunday and it can get demoralising.
Hope all goes well!
Paul, I understand the exhaustion of moving. When we were in our twenties, my husband was a career military man. We moved frequently at first, and it was a great adventure. We had the opportunity to experience Europe, spent our 10th anniversary in Paris, and met all our German relatives. Spent six years in Germany during two tours, and experienced holidays in a tiny village with aunts and uncles who welcomed us with open arms.
After 21 years, though, the traveling part wore thin. When we sank roots, it felt like we had landed at last. We have such great memories of friends and family all over the world, but you are so right–going home and staying is the best!
Hobbs look like he agrees.
As I read your post, I recalled a conversation with my dad some forty years ago. It was at the time I was preparing to depart to Washington State for college. Aside from the travels he did while serving in the Army Air Corp during WWII, he had never lived more than maybe 100 miles of his place of birth. Further, he saw then need to change the status quo; in fact he lived in the only house he ever owned until his death.
I on the other hand decided to study forestry and for me that meant moving to the west coast. As a student, I spent two summers living in Idaho alternating my time between both a log cabin and a tent. Fortunately, it was only in the summer because in those parts, winter is brutal!
Finally, the offer of a permanent job came along with a move to the Oregon coast and as of the moment, the roots run pretty deep. As a young forester, I learned that the forests are very dynamic and perhaps there is a lesson there for us as humans.
I’ve been in contact with friends from elementary school and high school. I envy folks who have lived in the same town for generations. I hate moving, I hate being away from my family, and I hate that in doing so I’ve not shown an example to my children how important it is to stay with family. I am afraid they will scatter across the country when they are older and I won’t see them regularly. If I had my way, I’d be around extended family for the rest of my life. Both of my families did that. Only a few of us cousins moved away.
The act of physically moving is a drag too. All that packing and unpacking…ew.