Unfinished business
Unfinished Business
I like to finish things. When there are a number of things pending, it’s an uncomfortable feeling for me. I love to read, so it naturally follows that I am rarely without a book to read. I like to mix it up between fiction, technical (photography), spiritual, and I guess self-improvement books (books about creativity, etc).
Many times I will not start another book until I have completed one that I have started. Some things mix, others don’t. For example, I cannot read a fiction book and a book on creativity at the same time. I think that it has to do with my enjoyment of fiction, especially those page-turners. I never seem to make it back to the other book until I finish the fiction book … then I want another fiction book!
This morning I really wanted to go out and shoot, because I haven’t been shooting outside for a few days. I got kind of bored going to the beach each day. Certainly, there are more shots to be had, but I just wanted to mix it up. Unfortunately, the skies are a solid, slate gray. I came back inside.
When I walked back in the door I noticed the coffee table and the array of books spread out upon. There were 2 fiction books that I had completed, one that I will never complete because it was so horrible, and 3 others, pictured here, that I am reading at the same time! I need to finish one of them! So, the books are:
Completed:
Compulsion: Jonathan Kellerman – If you like crime novels, you’ll like this.
Plum Island: Nelson DeMille – He’s not a new author, but new to me. If you like smart-mouthed, rule-bending, detectives, then you’ll love the John Corey character. These books featuring John Corey are riveting and hilarious.
Never gonna finish:
The Road: Cormack McCarthy – This is the same author that wrote No Country for Old Men. Personally, I find this book annoying, but that’s just my personal opinion. It’s set in some post apocalyptic time frame. We are never told what happened, it’s left to our imagination. There are only 2 characters: “The man”, “The boy”. No names. That’s it. I made it through about half of the book and couldn’t take it anymore!
In progress:
- Zen: The path of paradox – Ohso : I love this book, but it is one that you have to read a little, meditate a little, read a little more. I’ve had it for several months and, although it is only about 200 pages, I’m still reading. Only about 30 more pages to go.
- The Creativity Habit: Twyla Tharp: I became interested in this book thanks to Gordon McGregor. He mentioned it when we met in person and has mentioned it on his blog a couple of times. I have just started reading it, but so far, so good. I’m really liking the part about Zoe vs. Bios … That will take another post, folks! I have to have this book back to the library in 2 weeks, so it goes to the top of the list. The other books, I own.
- Light, Science, and Magic: An introduction to photographic lighting: This is the technical entry and is read on an as-needed basis. Though I find the images somewhat boring, but practical, I am learning a bit from it especially how to handle certain lighting scenarios. It’s been useful.
Lastly, there is one book that I’ve not yet started: Night Fall by Nelson Demille. Another John Corey novel. I’ve got to clear out at least the Twyla Tharp book before I distract myself with a good work of fiction.
Anybody else find themselves in similar situations?
OK, off to read a chapter of The Creative Habit before I go to work.
Be prepared to stop!
I had a good laugh at myself the other day. I was thinking about flashes that I hardly ever used. I had made a vow to start practicing with them, and I have. However, that dormant equipment lust tried to rear its expensive head and seduce me into visiting a number of sites and spending my hard-earned money.
The first thought in my mind was: Hey! I could get a set of those cool Radio Popper thingys. Let’s see, I have 3 flashes, so I’ll need 3 receivers and one transmitter. Should I get the P1 or the new X series. There about $60 difference each. I’ll go read the specs … OK. All told, that would about $1000. WTF? Reality kicked in and I thought: Wait just a darn minute. I’m photographing knick-knacks for goodness sake and the Nikon CLS system works just fine indoors. If I need to move outdoors and photograph people, then we’ll think about being able to shoot up to 1,500 feet away. For now, 40 feet will do. 
I guess that shiny new toys just stay forever on my mind. The system works just peachy without those cool new technological baubles. BTW, I still haven’t purchased a D700! I’m so proud of myself. I’m gonna turn around and allow each one of you to give me a congratulatory pat on the back! LOL!!!
I did buy a Mac, though, so I’m not immune, just lightly vaccinated against some things.
Just me
OK, let’s face it. I’m a guy. I wanted to play with the flash this evening. I looked around my apartment for something interesting to photograph, but, as I’m a guy, there was nothing in this apartment that didn’t serve a purpose. There are no cool knick-knacks, like pewter teapots and stuff. The best that I could come up with was an onion, but I’m no Edward Weston! Also, the onion, I love them so, was on this evenings menu, so it is in, shall we say a very non photogenic state.
So, I looked around a bit, practiced my harmonica a bit, looked around a bit more. I thought of photographing the harmonica, but then thought better of it. Hmmm, what to do? Suddenly, it hit me. I know, I’ll photograph myself! I’d never really done it before and, generally, I don’t like to have my picture taken, but what the heck.
Working out the logistics was kind of tough. There is no one to focus for you and auto focus doesn’t work unless you press a button. So, it was a bit of trial and error to get the focus right and find a place to line up with each time so that I was in focus … for the most part.
Next, I had to try to get the lighting right. This is a small apartment and ALL of the walls are a nice, very reflective, white. Using an umbrella and shooting through it, light just loves these walls and bounces everywhere making it very difficult to get a black or dark gray background like I wanted. After much experimentation, I was able to pull it off. I had to stand in the narrow hallway, point the umbrella to the wall on the left, and sort of face the wall. That way I got diffuse light from the umbrella bounced off of the wall for that extra soft effect. Remember, I’m trying to use only one light, press the button, get in the right place, pose (or whatever), and get a decent looking picture. Also, I had the challenge of keeping glare off of the glasses! I should have done something about those pesky gray hairs! 
I could have ‘Photoshop-ed’ them out.
It was fun and I actually got one that I liked. With a little help from Lightroom, I was able to make the background completely black. This post was partially inspired by Earl, Laurie, and Gordon, all of whom have posted self-portraits. But it was also for me to get over my own camera shyness.
That’s me. Very much at home in a T-shirt, a harmonica, and a bit of beard growth.
Is burn-out possible?
Winter Light
There is another issue that I think needs to be kept in mind and allowances made. This issue is mental health. Pushing ourselves in certain ways, may not be in our best interest. There are many theories and best practice guidelines out there and it is difficult to know what is best for each individual. Here is one that I think works.
…
I think we have all heard of “burn outâ€. You don’t want this to happen for those things that you enjoy.
–Bob Wong
In yesterday’s post, The work of it, Bob Wong came up with a very interesting comment. An excerpt is above. You can see the entire comment here. I’d like to state the Bob is a much welcomed contributor here and has provided me with several ideas of posts. I like when he visits.
His post made me wonder if indeed we can get burned-out doing what we love, our passion. So, I did what I usually do and went to the dictionary for a consultation to make sure that I really understood what burnout meant and here’s what the dictionary had to say:
Physical or emotional exhaustion, especially as a result of long-term stress or dissipation.
Mozart, who many deemed as a musical genius, was, in fact a seriously dedicated student and practitioner of music. It was said that, by the age of 28, his hands were deformed for all of the practice that he had done over the years. I think, too, of Michael Jordon and his legendary practice routines and love some of his quotes, especially this one:
I can never stop working hard. Each day I feel that I have to improve. Hard work…Determination…I gotta keep pushing myself.
–Michael Jordan
Here, I don’t think that Michael Jordan was talking about pushing himself to do something that he didn’t love. He just kept expecting better things from himself and kept delivering. He wasn’t naturally gifted, but he just outworked any and every person around. As far as we know, he never burned-out on basketball
On a personal note: I’ve been a software developer since 1982. I’ve probably produced several hundred thousands of lines of code, perhaps over a million. I have no idea. Although I do it day in, day out, each and every day, I’ve not become burned-out of software development. I have become burned-out at a particular job because the expectations were much too high, unrealistic is more the word, but the love for development, no matter how much I learn, has never left me in 27 years. It’s the same with photography. I practice several times a week and always want to know more. I don’t always do the work because I “let” life get in the way, sometimes. Yet, every time that I recover, I’m glad to have that camera in my hand.
Frequently, I’m disappointed … sometimes, severely, but I never feel burned-out. I may be overwhelmed by other aspects of my life, as I have been lately, but the passion has never died in all of these years.
I think that burn-out, so to speak, is the culmination of the mental stress that you put upon yourself to achieve something great and not having it happen. It’s not doing it for the love, but for the outcome. If you get no outcome, or perhaps no accolades, the stress builds and you try harder to prove that you are worthy. You’re not doing it for the love.
With these thoughts in mind, I really don’t think that burn-out is really possible. Any other takes on this? Have I missed something?
The work of it
Gordon McGregor has been reading some interesting books. I follow his reading list somewhat surreptitiously. The other day he wrote a short post about resistance. After following the link to the book, The War of Art, I decided to pick up a copy. Actually, I asked my wife to pick up a copy for me as a birthday present. What can I say, I’m a cheap date.
Also, worthy of a read or two, is Anita’s post about SoFoBoMo 2009 and the things that she fast last year and this year. It’s certainly worth the read.
The War of Art is a pretty small book, 165 pages, consisting of many very small essays about resistance and procrastination. In my opinion, others have done it much better, but this book is decent. My two favorite books about creativity are:
Mind you, all three books talk about work. In The War of Art, Steven Pressfield talks about being a professional. A professional is not necessarily someone who does his or her art for pay, but one who faces their fear, shows up, and does the job every day. A professional is one who is there 7 days a week practicing their craft with no expectation of the outcome. An amateur is the weekend warrior. The professional is the one who sets aside some amount of time each day to practice the craft. Steven King mentions, in his book, that this is how he writes. That time is inviolable. He must park his butt in that chair for so many hours per day and do the work, even if it is pure crap. The work must be done.
The professional knows that the Muse shows up only when she is working. The professional knows about Resistance (Notice the capital R) and, therefore, excepts no excuses. No matter how they feel. No matter how badly the day went. No matter what, the work must be done. If one procrastinates today, it’s twice as likely that one will do the same thing tomorrow, etc. Soon, weeks, months, years have passed.
Oh, how many times have I seen this in my own work. As much as I love photography, I can distract myself from the work of it. Sometime last year, probably 8 – 10 months ago, I decided that I was going to learn about lighting. I had it planned. I was going to start with one light, then two, then three. I purchased a couple of stands, shoot-through umbrellas, and Nikon SB600 units. I took them out the first day, played with them a bit, then put them back into the boxes. As a matter of fact, one of the SB600 remains unopened. Still factory packed.
Mind you, I could give you a host of excuses and tell you that I lost my job, had to go to Charleston, family members got sick, my dog pooped on the carpet, Tony had too many games, etc. Even though this might garner a bit of sympathy from you, I’d be standing right and the mirror and lying to myself. For certainly, I could look back and ask myself: How many episodes of House did you watch during that time? How many fiction books did you read? Are you trying to tell yourself that your day was so busy that you didn’t have an hour to play with the lights? For those of you who may decide not to participate in this year’s SoFoBoMo because of time constraints, ask yourself, honestly, is that true? Are you really so busy as all that? OR are you letting the fear win? Are you not showing up because it is more comfortable that way? If you don’t try, you cannot fail! Well, you cannot overcome, either.
This is not to say that I should have no leisure activities and that I should be productive 100% of the time, but it is to say that this thing, photography, that I enjoy so much, should be at the top of my list of things to do even when I’m feeling highly resistant!
Back to the light. I love subtly lit scenes, especially portraits. There’s something appealing to them. I wanted to learn how to light like that. Yesterday, I dragged out one umbrella, stand, and flash unit. I created a makeshift studio, if you will, in my living room, and started taking pictures. I took about 110 photos, of which I deleted about 105. Of the remaining 5, I found one that I really liked. It captured the type of lighting that I dreamed of. That’s success. I didn’t even think that I would be able to pull it off, but, somehow, I did.
The light setup is still there. I’m staring at it from the couch. it’s time to put in more work right now. Believe it or not, even after writing about this, the resistance is still there telling me that I can do it later. Resistance does not like to be faced, at all. It prefers to bask in the imagined light of ‘tomorrow’, for today, we need to relax.
OK. Enough distractions, time to get to work!
47! Already?
Lotsa birds. Lotsa years!
On this day in 1962, John Glenn became the first American to orbit the earth. It also happened to be the very day on which I was born! How about that?! I’ve not been into space, though have been known to be spacey sometimes. Of course, I don’t remember that event, but I do remember my mother telling me that the nurses at the hospital wanted her to name me John Glenn Lester. Hmmm, somehow, that just doesn’t feel right. LOL!
So now, 47 years have passed. I’ve remember lots of historical events. I have a vague recollection of Martin Luther King Jr’s assassination. I remember the nuclear weapons drills that we had to do in elementary school. The bell would ring and we’d have to go to the halls, face the lockers, lie down on the floor, and shield our faces with our hands. Very effective, no?
Some years later, I remember my first computer that I got in 1980, or so. It was a TRS-80 (The Radio Shack), and it had a whopping 4K of RAM. That’s where I learned my first programming language, BASIC. I remember the Jimmy Carter error, I mean era, and the alternating days that you could buy gasoline. I remember the destruction of the Berlin Wall, the birth of the Internet (yes, kiddos, there was a time when we wrote letters, made phone calls, and had film cameras!), the bursting of the Internet Bubble, Watergate, the Star Wars phenomenon, Mount Saint Helen’s and a lot more.
In the grand scheme of things, 47 years does not even equate to a drop in the proverbial bucket of time, but it has been an interesting ride thus far.
All in all, it’s best to make the best of every day, every moment. It’s best to let go of the hurts of the past and enjoy the present, after all, as they say, the present is a gift. We don’t know what tomorrow will hold, nor even if our name will be included on tomorrow’s roll call.
So, Happy Birthday to me! Enjoy your day!
Clueless
Anita said:
I am consumed with curiosity about your project. You have mentioned some quite intriguing possibilities along the way, and I look forward to seeing what you decide on. I will interesting to watch you top your 2008 project
In response to that, I say: So am I! I’m not being modest, either. I really don’t know. I’m not sweating it, though. I only know that whatever it is must be easily accessible for 30 days. That’s all that I know. I could be taking pictures of peppers or onions … perhaps onions and peppers! They are easily accessible, after all, after I purchase them!
In reviewing a post from last year, I see that I changed my mind at the very last minute … SoFoBoMo Eve. I know myself and am prone to do that sometimes. It’s all good!
So, this year, I have no idea what I will do. None whatsoever, but I’m still excited about it. I think that leaving it open adds a bit of fun/drama to it. The subject will depend on my particular mood, or what’s important, seems like fun, or just strikes my fancy at the moment. Onions? Peppers? Trees? Shadows?
I do have a feeling that I’d like to do it in black & white this year, but even that is undecided. Last year, there was a bit of angst going in. I had never done a book, nor even a project. I didn’t have a clue as to what to do. Reading about the structure of a book was interesting learning, all of which I have forgotten by now. I’ll have to review. Last year, I had no idea if could sustain the energy, and it took a lot, to make a book. I came. I saw. I conquered. I think?
This year, it will be different. I’ll have a template to follow … last year’s book. However, this year, even though I don’t know what it is that I will be doing, I want for it to be different in style and substance. I think that I’ll go with all horizontal pictures. I’ve been taking more of them this year, intentionally. Last year, I shot about 70% vertical, 30% horizontal. This year, so far, I’m right at about 50/50. Not bad.
So, Anita, in essence, I’m flying … again … by the seat of my pants. It’s a fun way to fly. Hmmm, I wonder what I’ll be doing??? ….
I wonder if anyone that did a book decided well in advance and stuck with it. Well?