The way of life
It’s about 4:00 AM and I’m awake. Why? I guess that it just doesn’t matter. I’m awake. This is a very quiet time of the day. It’s time to open the door to the patio and let the sounds and smells of the morning enter the apartment. Even though it is a full moon, surprisingly, I don’t hear the mockingbirds singing. They’re usually quite vocal on a morning like this.
It’s a time for contemplation, honesty, and reflection. When these times come, I do my best to allow them to play themselves out. It’s too easy to stifle that quiet voice with some external noise like television, books, music, or even surfing the web. I find that writing and stillness, sometimes in equal measure, help me to clarify those thoughts.
Occasionally, in life, there are things that significantly affect us. It might be something that we read, heard, saw, or perhaps just thought about. It might be a series of events that play themselves out to our advantage, or perhaps disadvantage. Yesterday, I had two such events.
The first thing
First, I read David duChemin’s, With the Frame, sampler book. I’ve since read it two additional times. It’s a very generous 39 pages of his soon to be released book. Not only is it filled with some very nice photography, but it is very inspirational. It’s not a how to book, like so many that fill the shelves in today’s bookstores and online catalogs. It’s a book about, as he says in his introduction, “why to”. It’s about finding, honing, and following your vision. What is your vision? Why did you pick up your camera to take that shot? What stopped you and made you take that particular shot? I’m excited about receiving my copy of the entire book. I’m sure that I’ll write about it several times as I explore it. Notice: I get nothing from this other than to speak highly of a photographer that I admire for his courage, wisdom, willingness to share his experience, and encouragement others to follow their dreams.
I know that I get sidetracked sometimes about photography and what exactly is my vision. I admire those who have found their vision and have had the courage to pursue it. I’m still looking for both, I think. I am passionate about photography and about writing. Ideally, I’d like to combine the two, but into “what”, I don’t know just yet. For me, getting sidetracked is not an accident, if I’m honest about it. It’s about fear. Fear of the unknown. The voices start: What if … you’ve got to pay the bills, etc. Then, the other side: What if you never even attempt it, then what? A constant battle. One you may be familiar with. It’s easier to just go to work, do what you know, collect the check … Then, a book like David’s comes along and delivers a much needed kick to the head. Focus! It screams. Find your vision. Pursue it! Live your life! I know the words to be true.
The second thing
The second thing that happened yesterday: At work, we are not allowed to have cell phones in the area that I work. When I get to my car, I usually check my cell phone to see if anyone has called, left voice mails, or text messages. I then return the calls. Yesterday, I had 2 voice mails. Both from the same person, a Human Resources person, at the company that I work for. I have been offered a permanent position. This has been in the works for several months. On both sides, theirs and mine, it’s all about money. For them, hiring me means that they get a bigger piece of the pie. There’s no longer a middleman between them and me. For me, it keeps me employed. Notice, there wasn’t much except, it keeps me employed. I’d still be Charleston, so nothing changes there. Sure, the money is nice, but after a while, it becomes a trap rather than an asset. Perhaps it’s an excuse not to try something else. I’m really not sure. So, I had mixed feelings about it. When I think about returning to Charlotte, there is the warm feeling of returning home, but the cold feeling of returning to Bank of America, which seems to be the only game in town. I didn’t even like what I was doing while I was there. Boring. That would be the ultimate sell out! It’s what I think about at 4:00 AM.
Well, it’s 5:30 and it has taken me about 90 minutes to write this. The mockingbirds, and others, have begun their morning songs. It’s not so quiet now, but it is more peaceful now that their songs have replaced the silence.
Today is payday. Alas, soon it will be time to go to work …
I figured as much. I’m pretty sure that I don’t even want to know what they talk about.
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