I didn’t finish my book this year. I started on May 10th and here it is June 23rd and still no book. Oh, I have one in progress. The title is Amor Fati: Accepting what comes your way. I have about 20 of the required 35 pictures, perhaps a few more.
It had been on my mind for a very short time: Why didn’t I finish? Yet, it was a question that I easily dropped and continued on with life. I did not and do not consider it a failure. A so called failure is really a learning experience if you take the time to dissect it. One thing that I have learned is that questions are always answered, but not necessarily when and how we want them answered and we have be willing to hear and understand the answer, even if we don’t like it.
This morning I awoke about 6:00 AM. As I lie there, my body wanted to go for a walk. I tried to dissuade it, but it was not hearing me, so we went for a 40 minute walk. It was invigorating. As I walked, I listened to Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth. This morning he was talking about being in the moment, as he is wont to do! 
Anyway, he was talking about creating gaps in thought streams by noticing your breathing, inhaling and exhaling. So, I fell into that rhythm as I continued my walk. When I got back to my apartment, it hit me suddenly …
I didn’t finish because I was not enjoying the process. I was so focused on the destination. I was no longer there just shooting, enjoying, exploring. The thoughts of doing something different, better, more clever than last year, of secretly wanting some external praise for my efforts, were foremost in my mind. I was in competition with a memory. It became a chore and the last thing that I wanted was another chore.
Last year, I was really into the journey. I was exploring a place that I had never seen and was giddy with excitement. I didn’t care what the final outcome of the book was. Of course, I wanted it to be nice, but that wasn’t important. What was important was exploring Van Landingham Glen, which I did and it is a place that I frequent now … still exploring.
I do plan on finishing the book, but it has to be at its own pace and it will most likely be done entirely with film. So, finally after a shower, my body says to me: Now, aren’t you glad that you went for that walk! Yes! I am!
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10 Responses to “SoFoBoMo:Last year. This year.”
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Good observations, Paul. A few times on my SoFoBoMo effort I found myself basically out there just mindlessly collecting photographs. I guess that’s a risk of project-based deadline shooting. Glad you plan to finish, and with this new attitude. I’m sure your book will be better for it. I went over my deadline, but didn’t really care. The experience was more important. Everyone admires the marathon runner who takes five hours, but finally crosses the line. And he’s probably the most satisfied of all.
@John: I went and had a look at your book. Beautiful work, indeed! I am glad that the answer came. I’m still mindlessly gathering photographs … which is the only way to be.
paul
I must echo your comment regarding John Wolf’s book “A Wonderful Emptiness”. In fact, it’s one of the finest portfolios I’ve ever seen, and that thought was my first reaction on paging through it. What a marvelous, and emotional, treatment of an extremely difficult subject!
Your comments re sofobomo accurately describe the reasons I have not attempted such a project. From my perspective, the book comes after the photos have been done. It is at that point when I recognize the fact that I’ve accumulated the makings of a photo essay. I find I can’t predetermine an idea, then go out and do the photographs to illustrate it, since it’s just not my mode of working. A good illustration is my “Tree Forms” portfolio on my web site. I could do a book on that subject, but it never started out that way. I simply saw those forms while I was out in the field photographing.
adam
@Adam: I’d certainly have to agree with you about John Wolf’s book. Pure quality in that one! I shall have to view it again.
It is a good thing you didn’t force yourself, this kind of thing should be mostly fun.
Interesting. I had all sorts of problems last year, but this year – none. I just knew from last year that I could do it, and the theme allowed me to basically go on with my normal blogging routine. This year I did what I always do, a little different but not as much as to make it stressful. In that way I continued to day 30, made the book and that was it.
What really helped me, was having the complete template ready and done. On day 30 I had nothing more to do than dropping the images in and writing some lines.
Of course what made it easy, was the very broad scope of “Urban Dreams”. In fact that could include everything, from positive to negative, from wish to fear. Only some days before the deadline, I even had no idea what the final book would really be about. That was part of the experiment: letting flow, letting go, allowing for the result to surprise me.
Actually “Amor Fati” has every potential to be as forrgiving as a topic as “Urban Dreams”. If I have any advice to give, then it is: allow yourself to be surprised. Don’t plan everything. It makes for a much more interesting experience.
Not that I believe you need advice, but still
That’s a pretty critical insight. If you don’t like the route, there are plenty of others leading to the same destination (they all lead to Rome
).
I am looking forward to the book—whenever the time is right.
That is another walk that paid off.
I’m so glad I did the book this year and I immediately thought I’d do it again next year but that little voice in the back of my mind said “maybe, maybe not” I’m not going to worry about it. The answer will be there in 2010.
All that said, I’m looking forward to whatever/whenever you decide to do.
Paul, you have no idea how much your post resonates with me!
I have to admit that I haven’t thought of actually finishing my book some time later. I guess that tells a bit how much such a project can narrow ones perception. Or that’s just me…