Friends ’till the end
Yesterday, I had my hospice volunteer training. It was, in my opinion, pretty lightweight. It consisted of about 90 minutes of talking and being given a take home booklet to read. Kathy is coordinator of this particular hospice, the Caring Heart Hospice of Charleston. There were two of us in training, both male. Kathy said that she has only one other male volunteer. For whatever reason, men just don’t seem to volunteer all that much. She was very appreciative of our showing up and she hoped that we’d become volunteers. I, for certain, will. The other guy, a young fellow of about 25, was rather unsure and kind of nervous. He admitted that this would be his first time volunteering.
During the training she talked about the patients and what was required to be in a hospice home. Well, you have to have a prognosis of 6 months or less to live. Wow! It started the wheels in my brain turning. Here I was about to embark on a journey of friendship with someone who likely has only 6 months to live. Talk about setting yourself up for a bit of pain. Then, I thought of how very important it is to be kind and friendly to anyone that I meet, terminal disease or no, because we never know, and it’s something that we all could use, a kind word, a listening ear, a good friend.
Being a hospice volunteer is a very basic task. The idea is to go meet your friend and hang out, talk, play games, go for a walk, read to them, etc. In the booklet, there was quite an extensive list of activities all the way from board games to giving them a massage. They encourage contact such as hugs and handshakes; if you, as a person are comfortable with that and if the patient is similarly comfortable, then it’s all good. Fortunately, I’m a very touchy-feely person and just love hugs! If I get another hugger, I may never get out of there! 
They would like for you to spend no less than 2 hours/day and no more than 8 hours/week visiting with your friend.
Kathy said that patients often get very attached to the volunteers and, if they are having any issues, want the volunteer to be called so that their friend, the volunteer, can be there with them, even, or especially at the final moment. I’m going to start with a group of four patients, rather than an individual. I may eventually go to an individual, but we’ll see how it goes.
The list of activities got me to thinking about how I could use my photography as a gift to these patients. Now, this is not an original idea, I remember seeing it somewhere before, but I just cannot remember where, or I would surely give credit where credit is due. The idea was to have the patient make a request of some of their favorite things that they’d like to see, or that miss seeing. Then, I would go out and make photographs of these things, print them, and bring them as gifts for them to hang on their wall, or perhaps keep on their nightstands. I can think of no better use for photography than that!
One very interesting question, but not surprising, that Kathy said that some patients will ask a volunteer, their friend is: How long do you think that I have to live? Kathy suggested that we not offer an opinion, but to refer them to her, a chaplain, a nurse, or their doctor. However, when she mentioned that, my mind immediately came up with this answer:
You know, I have no idea how long you have or even how long I have. Let’s just enjoy this moment and have some fun. What do you want to do?
I’m interested to see how this will go. I won’t be able to start volunteering for a couple of weeks because of background checks and Tuberculosis tests that I have to go through. I’ll certainly keep you posted.
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15 Responses to “Photography as a gift”
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Paul, I don’t know even where to begin. This is simply wonderful. Perhaps the most important gift that one could give, Time. An ear. A caring ear.
I know that in my final moments I would of course miss my son, but I know for sure that my thoughts would be “That was one cool ride” because of the way I’ve lived.
Good on both of you!!!!
The rewards for both the caregiver and the patient will be a surprise as you give the gift of being there. I was a volunteer for hospice back in Colorado. Maybe I need to seek that out again. Go for it, enjoy it!
@Tom: Thanks. You have a lot to do with my rejuvenated interest in volunteering! You’re a fantastic example!
@Monte: That’s good to hear that you did the same type of work. I’d be interested in hearing more about it. If you feel like sharing, drop me an e-mail: paul at paullesterphoto dot com.
I would guess you got the photograph as a gift idea from Craig Tanner. If I remember it right, I think he talked about it in a podcast he made a couple of years ago. It was about him volunteering at a home for old people, and during conversation he found out some favorite places that he photographed and printed.
I do think you should be careful though as you might stir up some stuff that should best be left alone. But being careful, and take the time to get to know the person well first, I think it is a truly wonderful idea.
@Kjell: I’m not sure what you mean by: “I do think you should be careful though as you might stir up some stuff that should best be left alone.”. Could you elaborate?
I really enjoyed this post Paul! What an amazing way to spend some time. Sounds like the start of a great project. Hope you’re doing well. Best of luck!
Hats off to you for taking on the most difficult of volunteer jobs. I have a few friends that work in elderly care and the mental toll can be taxing with each loss. The Hospice person that was part of my family for the last year of my Fathers life was a very special person and as much comfort for my Mom as he was for Dad, probably more so. Good luck with this Paul it takes a very special person to relate to people this way.
@Matt: What a treat to see you post a comment. I’m glad to know that you are still around. I was just thinking of you this morning! I hope that all is well with you.
@Ray: Thanks, Ray. I’m really looking forward to this. I can understand why they only want you to work a maximum of 8 hours/week. I think that it will really be rewarding, though.
Paul,
I wish you well.
This reminds me a bit of something Zack Arias posted Wednesday. Help Portrait
Paul, I know this will be a rewarding experience for you and them.
I have a deep respect for the service that hospice provides. Last year my mother passed under their loving care and a few weeks ago her sister, my aunt, passed in the exact same room with the same caregivers.
It’s an act of love to know how to let go with grace and dignity. Best of luck!
@Matthew: Thanks for the link. What a great idea! I love it!
@Earl: Thanks for sharing your touching story. The more that I hear, the more that I feel that this is the right thing to do.
I’ve just made some unfortunate mistakes in the past, doing stuff that I really meant well, but due to some history that I didn’t really know, it didn’t turn out that well. This isn’t normally that much of a problem, but since these people already is in a rough spot .. well you know.
Anyway, it’s just me babling, the idea is really great, and I think you should go forward with it.
This is a good thing, Paul. If I was on my last journey, I would love to make it with someone like you, a sensible and open-hearted person who not pretends to be someone else than him or her self.
I was a hospice volunteer many years ago and it was a great experience. It’s absolutely amazing what you can learn from someone who is facing the end of their life.
Congratulations and good luck, Paul. The gift of your time and compassion will be returned to you in marvelous ways, I’m sure.