Yesterday, Tony said that he wanted to get up early and get a good start on golfing, while it was cool outside. Good idea. I woke up at my usual time of around 6:30, woke him and his friend, Brandon up at around 7:00. The first thing that Tony said to me was: Ummmm. Poppa. They have a dress code. No athletic shorts or t-shirts. Huh? I thought we were going to play golf! I had him call just to make sure and, sure enough, khakis and a shirt with a collar was required. Damn! We were able to get a 10:06 AM tee time.
I had to make a quick run to Target to get some shorts, a shirt, and some golf balls. I picked some cranberry colored shorts, some khakis, and 36 golf balls, figuring that should be enough to hold us for 9 holes. I figured that I’d be responsible for losing a great quantity of those golf balls. 
And I was right!
After a trip back home and quick change, now dressed in cranberry color shorts, a white polo shirt, sock, and sneakers, it was time to the green, or whatever they call it. We drove there, stopped at the front desk, I paid for us, rented some golf clubs, bought Tony a glove, and away we went.
The first stop was the driving range. We had about 20 minutes and two buckets of balls. Mind you, I have never played. We did dispense with those balls quickly. This was to be an omen of future things to come, for sure. It was rather comical watching me trying to hit that little, unassuming, STATIONARY ball. You’d have thought that it was moving given the number of times that I actually missed it and took out a divot of dirt or two. To my credit, I did hit a couple of lucky shots that went about 100+ yards in a generally straight line. Tony, on the other hand, hits the ball well, has great follow through, and a terrible slice. His balls rise high and then suddenly make a right turn. They seem to be attracted to the trees. LOL!
When it was time to tee off, they let me lead. Brandon was giving some hilarious color commentary the whole time. According to him I had this cranberry aura that I brought from the senior PGA tour. I will tell you, I have new respect for golfers. This game ain’t easy, but it is fun with Tony and Brandon. They had me laughing the entire time, making me forget, for the most part, about the 95 degree heat. Of course, the young ladies with the drink cart helped me forget too. They were selling 85 cent Poweraids for $2.75, but when you are hot and thirsty, your wallet doesn’t notice. I bought two rounds of those for us. Heat will make you do that!
During the time that we played what could be called ‘golf’ only in the most general sense, I hit the ball into the woods, into the water, the sand, and occasionally, onto the green! We didn’t keep score; that would have been just plain embarrassing! Every once in a while, I’d hit a good, straight shot and have absolutely no idea how I did it. I tried to call on my powers of Tai Chi, but even with the calmness and the proper flowing of the energy, I still stunk up the place … I was very calm while doing it, though.
On the way back, Vera called and asked if I enjoyed myself. I said, yes, I did. This was true. I had a great time with the guys. The next question was: Is it something that you think that you’d like to do more of? That answer was a hearty, NO! I might like to go to a driving range now and again. One of the employees suggested that I’d get much more enjoyment out of it if I took a few lessons first. Probably so, but I doubt that I could get any more enjoyment than I had today spending time with my son and his friend. Where else can you get to laugh for almost 3 hours straight?!
Lastly, I’m still not the Paul Lester that does golf photos, though I have been known, now, to step onto a golf course!
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What a terrific story. Made me smile for sure and made me think about my own golfing experience. I’ve only ever played a few games, all of them badly, but there’s something about golf that I find… well, enriching I guess. It seems to me that it may be the only game where your true opponent is yourself (much like in life). It’s like a game of self-discovery and interestingly the bulk of the game is just you walking in nature interspersed occasionally with deep mind-body focus on hitting the ball. It’s like tai chi too in a way, being a game where minimising effort plays a big part and coordination between body and mind is essential. One of my favourite books on golf is called Beyond the Fairway by Jeff Wallach.
Sadly I have not played in years. In Australia golf is an expensive hobby and it’s difficult to justify the time when my kids are more interested in sand when it’s on a beach along side some surf which is cool with me as I love the beach too.
Thanks again for a great story.
Hey, Cedric: I was doing what I could to remain relaxed and focused on the ball. Those couple of moments when I didn’t muscle the ball, things worked out, or so it seemed. Golf is very expensive here, as well. It’s not something that I think that I would partake in with any regularity; however, if Tony is involved, then the effort is certainly worth it.
I’ve played a few rounds of golf with co-workers and kept score only when we wanted. We figured we got better scores that way and I’m not talking about highest scores. It’s not my game and one I participated in only for the camaraderie. We also figured that when hitting balls all over the place we really were getting our moneys worth.
I’m glad you enjoyed yourself with yourself, that’s what it’s about.
Paul, I played golf for a while when I was younger but soon decided to give it up for lack of talent…and money.
I can imagine how hot it must of been out there on Saturday with the near 100% humidity levels we’ve been having these last few days. Lucky those drink cart girls didn’t realize you would of paid even more for those cold drinks. Still sound like you had a great time.
Earl, you are right about the drinks. I would have emptied my wallet, refilled it, and emptied it again. Those drinks on that particular day were priceless. Now, armed with the knowledge of how hot and humid it was, I would stop by Walmart, purchase a nice big thermos, fill it will lots of ice and Gatorade, and put it on the golf cart. Problem solved!
We did have a great time, but that game is way to expensive for my tastes, to be sure!
Laughed while I read this but the one thing I will emphasize is the suggestion that to get *any* kind of better at the sport, lessons are a must. I played lots of basketball and baseball as a kid, and was an ok athlete (I possess reasonably good hand-eye coordination). But all my baseball knowledge worked against me in golf, and even though I played quite a bit in high school (three times a week in the summer), I took lessons when I was about 35 or so for a week and the difference was like night and day. So, I hear your distress and amusement, but the enjoyment factor triples with a lesson or two.
Chris: I’m sure that it would be enjoyable, after taking lessons, if I even had a passing interest in golf, which I don’t.
It was just fun being with Tony. That’s where the joy was. It would be a total waste of time/resources for me to take lessons. LOL!
Very enjoyable post and you described a first or early rounds in great detail. I have enjoyed to lives with golf. The first was when my mentor was part owner in the golf course and the rounds were free. He even got me a great discount on the equipment. The second was many years later when in a well playing job that required playing “client golf”, which means the company picked up much of the playing fees.
An inexpensive alternative to lessons is to practice swinging a rope. You mentioned either in the post or comments that when you didn’t muscle the ball it went better and that is right on. Find a 3-3 1/2 foot length of smooth (because it will hit your back) rope and make practice swings with it. You can learn to keep it straight and when your timing is down you can even start powering it a bit. It will let you know when you “jump on it”. Since timing and stance is probably key in Tai Chi it may even help in that endeavor.
Golf is a game of opposites so if Tony and his friend go out again mention he should rotate his hands on the club to the left Iif he plays right-handed) and maybe move his stance to aim a bit right, which is totally counter intuitive.
Some off the best time I have spent with my youngest son was on a golf course. When they get past 18 it becomes tough to find 4 or 5 hours that they can tolerate the old man, but golf seemed to work. That and I was paying.