Anita and I had many conversations during the time that we spent together. One, in particular, seems to be stuck within the folds of my brain and won’t dislodge itself. As some of you may know, Anita was an acting coach in L.A. I asked her what it was like, in other words, how do you teach someone to act? She said something to the effect that you have to get them to let go of ‘acting’ and get them to become the part. If you will, to believe that they are that character. To immerse themselves in the part.
At that point, I understood what she meant. There are actors that you can watch and totally fall into the script with. You can love them, hate them, pull for them, pull against them. You have totally suspended your disbelief and bought into the character. However, she said that that is a frightening thing for a lot of people because it causes them to have to drop their persona, their protective shielding and to become vulnerable, letting the world see what is truly inside. Some never make it. Some make it, only to be scared away by what they see. Still, others are able to pull it off.
This reminds me of when Denzel Washington wanted to play the role of a bad guy. The studios were not sure that he could pull it off, but, hey, he’s Denzel. Let him try. The movie Training Day was a smash! Denzel was downright scary. He was quite believable as a bad guy. Next, American Gangster, again, quite believable! He’s, in my opinion, willing to fall completely into any role that he is given, as long as it fits within his values. He has that ‘gangsta’ side and is not afraid to show.
Why this kept sticking in my brain is that I could quite easily relate it to photography, in general, and my photography specifically. Sometimes, it is very hard to drop that persona and dig down and shoot the way that I want to shoot for fear that it might not be any good, it might not be acceptable, it might not be laudable – all three being fears of not being validated externally. This photography, for me, is a constant experiment of who I am, what I like, what matters to me and sometimes I ‘get it’, other times, I just meander about, looking for the trail.
There are times when I will settle upon a photo, such as the one included here and say: Yeah! That’s me. There are other times when I’ll look at photos and know that I fell into copying someone else. I’m not necessarily looking for originality, but more for honesty … getting those photos that I believe in, not just those that will show well to the outside world, those that are catering to external opinion. Sure, accolades are nice, but if you become a slave to them, you completely lose your way. I suppose that I shall keep peeling this onion for the rest of my life. With each passing year, I suppose, the layers change. 
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I know exactly what you mean – when you get lost in being a photographer, the self-conciousness falls away, time melts, and the external world outside of you, your subject and your camera disappears and your truly, “in the moment” and have become all you can. For me, it’s somewhat rare, though lately when I’ve gone out I’ve felt close to that nirvana even if I don’t cross into it.
Of course, we learn by emulating those we admire – in photography, in writing and in life. There’s nothing wrong with it as long as you adapt it to your own unique set of tools and discover your own voice.
Nice post and image.
John recently posted..Mt. Evans Area
John: I think that it would be difficult not to emulate, given all of the wonderful imagery that is out there; however, eventually, we find our own ‘thing’ if we allow it to surface, other than that, we keep on emulating.
I love those few, special times when I can fall completely into the photography, not a care in the world, just the click of the shutter. Few and far between and very special.
“Sure, accolades are nice, but if you become a slave to them, you completely lose your way.”
I like that statement Paul – holds very true for me and some of my decisions to break away from the camera club style. I was turned off by the whole competition aspect and going for the high scores. When I look at the photos posted today by this club I used to belong to, and the photos that were posted 5-10 years ago, they look much the same for those that all receive the highest scores. There is definitely a “style” that was rewarded – but it ends up making everyone’s images look the same.
Excellent point, Mark. I’m not necessarily against photography competition, but, as you mentioned, the same types win again and again. The loud, flashy, hyper-saturated, WOW! photo wins. There’s nothing interesting about the photo beyond the initial ‘shock and awe’ of it. There’s nothing that invites you to stay awhile. Sure, I have those types of photos that I’ve taken, but generally, my other photos align with my personality type, more quiet and thoughtful, I hope.
It sure would be easier if we were trying to “hit” a stationary mark — but perhaps there’s a slim core of material or photographic style that always rings true for each of us no matter how our experiences or current interest change. I know I often experiment, inspired by outside influences, not simple to emulate other’s work but to push myself to discover what about it attracts me and how it may or may not fit within my own approach.
I could build an argument we’re always actors…it’s just sometimes we play ourselves.
Beautiful photo and thought provoking post!
Earl recently posted..The Cinque Terre, Italy
I loved that, Earl! Very profound and true!
I like that too Earl. The trick is figuring out which of those times are the ones when we are playing ourselves. As you imply in your post Paul, maybe those times tie in with the times when we are creating/photographing. At those times the personae and the masks are dropped and we are ourselves. I like to think that is the case.
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I couldn’t say that we are all actors but we each have different roles we have in life that may seem like acting. Husband, father, brother, co-worker, manager/supervisor, guy on the street. Life gives us a lot of diverse opportunities to express ourselves in many different ways. It’s not really acting, it’s human nature.
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When I step on the aircraft as a flight attendant, I am an actor. Somedays I’m excited to play the role and other days I just want to go back home. I feel I’m an introvert that works hard to be outgoing and personable when needed, which is the smaller part of who I am. I see much more simplicity in my images over the past few years. That is also true of my personal life. I find it difficult to define my photographic style and maybe that’s because it is a moving target as Earl mentions. Another great post, Paul!
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